Dandelion: A Poem About lllness
I am weak
People think
That I am strong
But this has shown me
Just how weak I am.
I have trouble concentrating
Or functioning in normal society.
All I want to be
Is asleep.
But when I lie in my bed.
I find that I cannot.
Illness makes me panic.
All I want to do is escape my body
But it is the one thing that follows me
Wherever I go
So
I find that I cannot be rid of my self.
I long for God to show Himself as Healer
But often I lie there
Wondering
Why isn’t Jesus helping me?
What to do
When the prayers don’t help
Or at least in the way
I want them to?
Neither do
The catchy sayings
And rather than faithful
God seems far-off
When I am so tired
I no longer long
For God to help me here,
But for Him to just
Take me away from here
Altogether
Because life does not feel like life
But more like death.
There is nothing anyone says
That makes this make sense
And any glimpses of purpose
Or meaning
Are still years off.
Words to adequately describe
How hard this is
Won’t come from my mouth
Or my pen.
What then?
I long to see life
Spring forth from every crack
And crevice
Of this shattered existence
Like dandelions on the sidewalk
Tough and resilient
Nothing can kill it
Maybe the cracks
Just create more space
For things to grow
And so
I cling to the one thing that I know
That somehow
The one constant
Is that God has been with me
In every moment
So I cling to His promise
Of restoration
Remembering
That He is a God
Who is not unfamiliar with suffering
Or apathetic to my cares
And that He is a Master Gardener
Who has created paradise from the dust
In the previous
And can surely work with a little manure
And so I offer up to Him
The mud, the muck, the grime,
And also this sense of wasted time
The words too difficult to speak
These moments when I am oh so weak
The cracks, and shards, and broken pieces
Knowing that in the hands of Jesus
Which too bear scars but also life
The dead places in me
Can be resurrected
The wrong that’s been done can be corrected
The new thing that’s created
Can shine brighter than before
Oh Restorer
You will Restore
