When I fear men
I am forgetting God.
That path has been well trod
in my history.
See God intended me
to be free
from people’s expectations.
It’s a crushing weight
that makes me wait
before I act
or makes me want to take back
actions after I see how people respond.
See I’m drawn
but that’s not freedom
In a prison I built with my own two hands
that often stands
more prominent in my life
than the tower that houses truth.
I put that one in the back
so it’s harder to defend the attacks.
And even though it’s firmer
and built on the Rock
I prefer to dwell in the sand
where it’s a whole lot harder to stand
up for myself and against the lies.
Wasting away in my crumbling tower.
But, hey, at least in this one I’ve
got the power.
I’m both imprisoned
and in charge
as queen of a crumbling estate
too busy with my own thoughts to wait
for five minutes
and see that I’m only ruling
because I’ve fired the guard
who actually wanted to free me from this
But He wanted to address
a few things first
and that sounds like a lot of work.
So I don’t let Him in.
It’s like I don’t want to win
I mean this tower is crummy.
But it’s got a really comfy chair.
I’m really at home there.
I can look out my window and stare
at everyone skeptically
certain that they think the worst of me
because I can’t see the good in myself.
My prison home is old and brittle.
And its floors are made of egg shells
which I have to walk over on tip-toe stocking feet
working to meet
people’s expectations and needs
because otherwise where would I be?
In the basement covered in broken eggs,
And yes I’m aware that it’s my own darn fault
for using egg shells as flooring.
Maybe I thought bricks were boring
Certainly a lot more work.
But so much more stable.
And I know a really good builder
who’s offered to do the work for free!
And I can see
That strong tower of truth
right next door
just begging me to explore
and move in
to live in freedom foretold
freedom to be bold
and no longer a prisoner to worry
freedom to be free
to be as strong and stable
as the bricks in this tower
gaining my power from God
Not fearing men and forgetting God,
but fearing God
and forgetting men’s opinions of me.
Because what people think
does not change who I am.
Get me out of the sand
with its shifting and swaying.
This is what I’m saying.
I just want to live in the truth.
I don’t want to waste my youth
mired in worry and lies
thinking thoughts I despise.
Change my heart
let me never be the same.
Set me free from this prison
so that I may praise Your name.