Spoken Word: The Tower

 

When I fear men

I am forgetting God.

That path has been well trod

in my history.

See God intended me

to be free

from people’s expectations.

It’s a crushing weight

that makes me wait

before I act

or makes me want to take back

actions after I see how people respond.

See I’m drawn

to praise

and attention

but that’s not freedom

that’s detention.

In a prison I built with my own two hands

that often stands

more prominent in my life

than the tower that houses truth.

I put that one in the back

so it’s harder to defend the attacks.

And even though it’s firmer

and solid

and built on the Rock

I prefer to dwell in the sand

where it’s a whole lot harder to stand

up for myself and against the lies.

Wasting away in my crumbling tower.

But, hey, at least in this one I’ve

got the power.

I’m both imprisoned

and in charge

livin large

as queen of a crumbling estate

too busy with my own thoughts to wait

for five minutes

and see that I’m only ruling

because I’ve fired the guard

who actually wanted to free me from this

crumbling mess.

But He wanted to address

a few things first

and that sounds like a lot of work.

So I don’t let Him in.

It’s like I don’t want to win

or something.

I mean this tower is crummy.

But it’s got a really comfy chair.

I’m really at home there.

I can look out my window and stare

at everyone skeptically

certain that they think the worst of me

because I can’t see the good in myself.

My prison home is old and brittle.

And its floors are made of egg shells

which I have to walk over on tip-toe stocking feet

working to meet

people’s expectations and needs

because otherwise where would I be?

In the basement covered in broken eggs,

that’s where.

And yes I’m aware that it’s my own darn fault

for using egg shells as flooring.

Maybe I thought bricks were boring

or something.

Certainly a lot more work.

But so much more stable.

And I know a really good builder

who’s offered to do the work for free!

And I can see

That strong tower of truth

right next door

just begging me to explore

and move in

and begin

to live in freedom foretold

freedom to be bold

and myself

and no longer a prisoner to worry

freedom to be free

to be as strong and stable

as the bricks in this tower

gaining my power from God

not people.

Not fearing men and forgetting God,

but fearing God

and forgetting men’s opinions of me.

Because what people think

does not change who I am.

Get me out of the sand

with its shifting and swaying.

This is what I’m saying.

I just want to live in the truth.

I don’t want to waste my youth

mired in worry and lies

thinking thoughts I despise.

Change my heart

let me never be the same.

Set me free from this prison

so that I may praise Your name.

4 Thoughts on “Spoken Word: The Tower

  1. Cassie on March 13, 2014 at 8:18 am said:

    I am so grateful for the way you express what God is teaching you! Love you Jen Jen

  2. And yes I’m aware that it’s my own darn fault

    for using egg shells as flooring.

    Maybe I thought bricks were boring

    or something.

    These words shot to my heart. Why do we choose the floor when we’re called to sit at the table? Hmmm. Good stuff.

    • Jenifer Jones on March 13, 2014 at 1:14 pm said:

      I’m glad you enjoyed it! Sigh, I know, I am a chronic floor-sitter. I’m so thankful I follow a God who tirelessly keeps on leading me back to the table 🙂

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