Reading my old journals is hilarious.
Especially my journals from middle school and high school. And college. So basically most of them.
I open them as if I’m peeking into a cage holding a wild animal- slowly, holding the journal at a distance, one eye open, as if I’m afraid the anxiety might jump off of the page and attack me.
The paper is absolutely dripping with worry and restlessness.
Those of you who know me well know that attaining peace in my mind is something that I struggle with from time to time.
The Lord did so much to bring healing in that area of my life while I was on the World Race, and I know He is continuing to fight for peace in my mind.
And my journals are excellent weapons in this battle.
Like the Israelites piling stones to serve as a memorial for what God had done (Joshua 4), my journals serve as my memory stones. Because for each anxious thought, I also see an answer from the Lord.
As I read these hilariously cringe-worthy books, two prayers come to mind.
First, “Thank You Lord, for being with me through all of that.”
And, “Thank you Lord for not giving me what I wanted.”
My life has rarely gone as planned, and I’m so, so thankful. My imagination is so small, my scope of vision is so narrow, and my own plans and dreams are so limited. I’m thankful that in the end, God accomplishes His plans instead. They are always so much better.
Remembering this gives me peace in moments when I don’t feel like I’m receiving everything I want out of life. Peace in moments when I wonder about my future. Peace when anxiety begins to creep in.
This too shall pass.
And become just words in a journal.
Another memorial stone on the altar to my God who already has it all figured out.