Spoken Word: Reentry

Because some days, readjusting to life after the World Race and away from my squad is just a little bit tough.

Listen here: reentry

Sometimes it feels like I’m fading.

It’s like just when I can finally see

that girl with the megaphone

claiming, shouting her identity,

I get slammed head first back into reality

once again trying to figure out how to be.

It takes a village to keep me

in the right frame of mind.

But when my village changes, I find

my colors growing dimmer.

A boiling pot turned down to a simmer.

Back on the assembly line

of human production

trying to figure out how to function

in a world that is not my home.

It feels like I’m going it alone,

but that’s not right.

There are so many others in this fight

with me in this moment.

But my faith doesn’t always show it.

So I’m begging You to grow it.

And me.

Until I can only see

my true reflection.

Not some collection

of identities

I feel are pre-prescribed to me.

I just need to be

still.

My God will fight for me.

So Lord dip Your paintbrush

into that living water.

Sweep a new coat over Your struggling daughter.

Actually forget the brush.

Just dump the whole thing right over me.

I want to swim in a bottomless sea

that never runs dry

no matter how much the world may try

to suck the life out of it.

Some things fade in the sun

but not this one.

See, I’m designed to reflect.

In the shade I’m flat and grey and dull.

But when I’m in His light,

you can’t even look at me, I’m so bright.

Sometimes I feel like I’m fading.

Spending too much time in the shade lately I guess.

Lord, open up a new box of colored pencils.

And take out your Jen shaped stencils.

And re-draw the outlines.

Smooth, rich, and dark.

and color me in with permanent markers

letting the ink saturate my pages

and bleed all the way through

until the only marks are the ones put there by You.

Sometimes I feel like I’m fading.

And when I do,

remind me that butterflies can’t go back into their cocoons.